So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
