If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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