Sober January is a disaster.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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