My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
