i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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