so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
