i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
