The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
