Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
