I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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