hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
