shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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