I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
