clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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