I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
