I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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