life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
