what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
