A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
