Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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