Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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