we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
