I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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