It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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