Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
