dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
