we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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