If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
