wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
