Are my feet made of real feet?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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