after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
