hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i've created a new STD.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
