I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
