I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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