we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
