Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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