Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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