it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
