i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
