are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Can I color on your dick again?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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