I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
