I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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