so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She tied me up with her honor cords...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
