Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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