Soap is not a condiment
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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