8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
