If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
