Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
