I am spending my child support on dildos
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
