i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
