I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
