i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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