What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
