she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
