You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
