She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
