also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
