I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
