Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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