if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
