I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
