Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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