kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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